(1) Shock, disbelief, dismay - if not utter despair – at being placed in the cot. Loud wailing.
(2) Trying to kneel up, sit up or stand up in the cot, as I use one hand to stroke her back and the other to gently rock her (yes, yes, ok, I’m talking about a bit of mild restraint). Frustrated grunting.
(3) Trying to eat the sheet from the bottom of the cot and the head-bump protector from around the sides of the cot. Hungry-sounding lip-smacking.
(4) Repeated, rhythmic face-plants. Frustrated grunting again.
(5) A bit more loud wailing, in case I might have changed my mind about the being-in-the-cot situation.
(6) Wormy wriggling: lifting up shoulders, bum, shoulders, bum in a sort of ‘humping the mattress’ move. Softer wailing.
(7) Lying still, eyes open, staring into space. Silence. (But If I’m tempted by the silence to slowly back out at this point, loud wailing returns.)
(8) Occasional blinking. If I’m lucky, the blinks begin to get cumulatively longer, until the eyes stay shut. At this point I’m obsessively monitoring the position of the upper eyelashes, willing them to take that magic 180-degree turn. Low, grunty, rather tuneful moaning.
(9) (Anywhere between twenty and sixty minutes later, or apparently, if you’re my mother or father-in-law, two minutes. Hurrumph). Out to it. Yussss!