- 5pm: decide to do dishes. Need to clear some room on the bench so that there’s a place for the cleaned dishes to go.
- As part of this process, take leftover lunch (which has been sitting there on the bench since lunchtime) to fridge.
- Need to clear some room in fridge so lunch fits in. Impatiently attempt to shove lunch in with brute strength, which has the effect of squeezing out a jar of quince jelly, which falls to the concrete floor below the fridge, upon which it smashes.
- Cuss like a sailor.
- Find dustpan and brush; start sweeping up jammy glassy mix.
- Upon attempting to reach all the far-flung places glass may have gone with dust-brush, realise how dirty pantry is. Spend 10 minutes sweeping out pantry floor.
- Notice that dustpan and brush have got all sticky; take dustpan and brush to bathtub to rinse jam off.
- Abundance of dust, jam, long curly hair and assorted other detritus from pantry floor enters bathtub, soiling it completely.
- Spend 10 minutes cleaning bath.
- Return to scene of jammy crime, where all glass and jam have been scooped into a heavy-duty plastic bag that a couple of days ago bore these pants home from H&M.
- Take this bag to domestic rubbish bin; realise that bin was 90 percent full and this bundle will tip it over the edge. Stuff bag in rubbish (taking careful note of laws of physics this time, not shoving too hard), take bag out of bin, tie up bag, take out to external rubbish, return inside and line bin with new bag.
- 5.40pm: abandon original dish-washing mission. Embark on wine-drinking mission.
What is the lesson in all this?? ‘Don’t do the dishes, ever’, I think. Or: ‘Eat more lunch?’ Or: ‘Spend less time on domestic chores and more time on the H&M website?’ Maybe ‘Wine time begins at 4.30′. Potentially all four.
This is all kind of pertinent to recent discussion here. But, taking note of my mum’s further comments on that matter, I’m refraining from indulging in further Mr Castle fantasies.
Decide to be happyRender others happyProclaim your joyLove passionately your miraculous life
Ok, mum; if I may do it with a glass of wine in my hand (*meekly*)