NEVER DIET! Dieting is for losers; you’ll just yo-yoing and become fatter. Dieting is a multi-billion dollar industry that survives from making us all vulnerable and insecure. How about just make a larger salad promote a healthy lifestyle by walking more and eating whatever the hell you want. Women who love to eat are sexy… and if you don’t believe me and think diets are great then why not try this tape worm diet it is as bloody ridiculous as the next mango fad.
BALM YOUR FEET – Got excess nappy balm on your hands… rub them onto your cracked heals for instant relief.
HAVE A PYJAMA DAY – Don’t shower or wear makeup or deodorant. Try and be as skanky as possible. When you shower the next day you will feel like a million dollars – I promise.
RED BUSH TEA – skip a coffee and try some Rooibos Tea its sweet South African taste will add years on to your life with its richness in antioxidants will offer protection against the harmful effects of free radicals.
GET PHYSICAL – why not try a Zumba class or Hot yoga. Sweat out that holidays booze.
SPLURGE ON A NEW BRA – A good bra equals great tits! Don’t be afraid to seek assistance the lil old ladies, they know their shit. Wearing the correct size can protect your back and make you look 5kgs lighter – If you have got it flaunt it.
You know what – you don’t need a NEW YOU because YOU ARE ALREADY AWESOME